High-Pressure Sales (Part II)

In a previous entry I opined (okay, ranted) on why I hated high pressure salespeople and their tactics.

The other side of that discussion is, of course, how to deal with these people when they approach you.

Step one is the most obvious: Hang up the phone. Walk away from the salesperson. Close the chat window. You don't need to be polite or rude, you just need to end the conversation. If you're not listening to the salesperson, then they can't distort your words or fast-talk you into a mistake. They're trying to sell you something you don't want -- just walk away. In fact, be proactive: make sure your business is on the do not call registry and has a no solicitors sign on the front of the building.

If you have a bit of a humorous, yet slightly sadistic and vengeful streak in you (as I do), it can be fun to string a telemarketer along for as long as you can before hanging up. If you can find a more fun way to waste 20-30 minutes of what should have been a productive day at work, I salute you. For me, this is as good as entertainment gets. Examples:

• Ask idiotic questions. "So if I buy the subscription to your magazine, do you deliver it? Or UPS? If it's UPS, who's paying for delivery? They're like really expensive."
• Make them repeat everything. My personal favorite way to doing this is to ask "Can you repeat the middle part of that?"
• Ask questions that indicate that you totally misunderstand what they're saying, or that you may be slightly insane. "Do you think Alf really ate cats, or was that just something they made up about him on that TV show?"
• Sidetrack the conversation with your opinions on sports, politics, reality TV shows, etc. "I have to say, you're a pretty good sales person. You know who I bet would be awesome in your job? Steve Austin - you remember, the Six Million Dollar Man. Geez I miss that show. What ever happened to him?"
• Ask them their opinions on those same topics, then argue with them. "Dude, there is no way that Steve Austin could beat the Manimal in a straight-up fight. He was the Manimal! He could just change into a shark or something, no contest."
• Make them question inwardly whether or not you're "punking" them (which you are, and I thank you for doing so). Make Ashton Kutchner, Howie Mandel and Alan Fundt (if you're under the age of 40, go ask your parents who Alan was) proud. Make me proud. Make America proud.

WASTE THEIR TIME. Every moment they spend on the phone with you represents another potentially productive call they aren't making. This costs them money, and hitting them where it hurts means hitting them in the pocketbook.

Unfortunately, even the best of us occasionally gets pulled in by a high pressure salesperson and we commit to purchasing something we really don't want or need. What then?

1. Act quickly! Most sellers have a 5-14 day "grace period" where you can still cancel the order, no questions asked.
2. Document Everything! Dates and times of calls, conversations including with whom you were speaking, e-mails, correspondence, etc. "If it's not in writing, it never happened." A clear timeline and paper trail are your best resources.
3. Communicate in writing. A written letter or e-mail provides a clear record of your attempt to cancel the order and it's hard to ignore. Plus for most companies, most of the time, a written letter is just enough of a "shove" to get them into action.
4. File a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. Also check out the BBB site and google the problem business to look for other complaints against them.
5. Demand proof of your agreement to purchase their product or service: a signed contract, an audio file of a verbal agreement to buy their product or service, etc. "If it ain't in writing, it never happened."
6. Whomever you're dealing with at the company, immediately demand to be connected with their manager instead. Managers hate to be hassled. So hassle them. Then try to hassle their manager.
7. Have a game plan for how you'll share your story with others through local media, professional groups you're associated with, etc. Let them know that if you're not happy, you'll share your experience widely to discourage other potential customers from dealing with them. They may win the battle for your $500, but make it clear it will cost them the war for the $50,000 in other potential business in your area.
8. Be a nuisance. Send them lots of e-mails, faxes, phone messages and letters to respond to. Engage as many people at their company in the discussion as possible. Cost them as many man-hours as possible in their fight to keep your money.
9. Record your phone conversations with them. They do it all the time - turnabout is fair play.
10. Through it all, be professional. Don't allow yourself to show that you're angry or frustrated. Don't be rude. Don't insult the people you're dealing with. Don't give them anything in a phone call that they may be recording or in an angry letter or e-mail from you that they can use against you. Just make it clear that you're not dropping this until it's resolved to your satisfaction, and that you really don't have anything better to do with your time than to fight them.
    

What other advice do you have to companies or individuals who are dealing with high-pressure sale? Better still, do any of you have a good story about messing with a telemarketer purely for the fun of it? I've definitely got Keeter Consulting mugs to mail out in exchange for good telemarketer-punking stories.